Desperation
by eibhlin13
Summary: Anders has destroyed the Chantry. Now his fate is in Hawke's hands.


Desperation

Shouts and screams sounded all around Evleen Hawke as the rubble from the Chantry explosion continued to fall on the city. The Templars had been routed for the moment and Orsino had gone back to the Gallows to warn the rest of the mages about Meredith's decree of the Rite of Annulment. Anders was seated on a crate, head bowed, awaiting her judgment on whether he lived or died.

She had already heard all her party member's opinions both for and against executing Anders and still her heart warred within her. Fenris finally pulled her aside. "Evleen, you cannot let this stand. I know he is your friend, but he murdered all those people. He has started a war which may very well encompass all of Thedas. He must pay for what he's done."

She shook her head. "Fenris, how can I murder a man in cold blood, a man who has helped me and protected me? If I do this, am I any better than he is?"

"It is not the same thing and you know it," her lover growled.

Her eyes burned with unshed tears. "I'm not so sure," she said softly. When she saw Fenris about to protest, she raised her hand. "Please, I've heard enough. I know how you feel about it. I'm going to talk to Anders. Just give me some space."

The warrior frowned deeply, clearly unhappy with her decision. "All right, but if I think he's going to try to hurt you, I'll kill him myself."

"Fair enough," she replied. She walked around in front of Anders and knelt down. His head was still bowed and she saw tears coursing down his cheeks. "Anders, talk to me. Tell me what's going on. This is so unlike the man who spent all his time here in Kirkwall helping people. What happened?"

"You know what happened," he said. "The abuse of the mages got worse and worse until there was no other choice. Elthina was useless. The Chantry was useless. Now at least Templars can't hide behind the Chantry pretending that what they do is the will of the Maker."

"But Anders, I know you. You never would have thought to murder innocents just to make a point." Her voice hardened. "At least not on your own." She lifted his chin and looked him in the eye. "How much of this was Justice—or should I say Vengeance?"

The mage's eyes glowed blue. "Do not interfere Hawke," Justice commanded. "Our action was necessary. It was the only way to obtain justice for the mages."

"Bullshit!" Hawke retorted. "Justice without compassion is just vengeance, pure and simple. There had to be another way. There's always another way."

"No!" Justice roared. "The Chantry had to pay for its inaction!"

Evleen saw Fenris draw his sword and move closer to Anders. She shook her head quickly. She grabbed the feather pauldrons of the mage's robe. "Damn it Anders, I know you're in there! Talk to me."

Anders' body trembled and it seemed as though a battle raged within him. His eyes closed and he clenched his jaw. Finally with a groan, he opened his eyes again. Now the soft brown irises gazed back at her. "Hawke," he said hoarsely, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I thought I was doing the right thing." He put his head in his hands. "Maker, what have I done? All those people." He started to sob.

Evleen gently pulled his hands away from his face. Her throat was so tight she had trouble speaking. "Anders, tell me what to do. They're telling me I should kill you, that you should pay for your crimes." She fought back tears. "But you're my friend. I love you."

The mage grasped her hands tightly. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough. "Evleen, if you love me, kill me now, before Justice takes me over completely."

"Anders…"

"I mean it," he said desperately. "Every day it gets harder and harder to push him back. Sometimes I lose time. I can't tell which are my choices and which are his." He looked into her emerald green eyes. "But I won't deny my part in destroying the chantry. Even though part of me knew it was wrong, I didn't fight hard enough to stop it." Tears filled his eyes again. "I love you. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I'm glad nothing ever came of it now. I couldn't bear to see you destroyed because you loved me."

A soft sob escaped her lips. "Anders, I can't. Oh Maker, help me."

The mage let go of her hands and pulled the dagger from her belt. "Please," he whispered.

Evleen nodded and took the dagger from him and stood. Anders straightened up. She didn't bother to hide the tears flowing down her cheeks. She looked into his warm brown eyes and smiled sadly. "I'll miss your jokes." She leaned down and softly brushed his lips with hers.

"At least someone appreciated me," he replied with a quiet laugh.

Evleen took a deep shuddering breath and pressed the tip of her dagger against Ander's chest. "Goodbye my friend," she whispered. She wrapped her other arm around his back and slid the razor-sharp blade into his heart.

The only sound Anders made was the quiet sigh of his last breath. Evleen caught his body as it slid down off the crate. She carefully lowered it to the ground and then sat and cradled his head in her lap. She carefully brushed the blond locks away from his face. He finally looked at peace. She let out a ragged sob as she drew her dagger from his chest.

Fenris knelt down beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know he was your friend."

Evleen nodded. "Thank you."

"Hawke," Varric said quietly, "We should probably get out of here before the Templars come back."

"I know." She gently set Ander's head on the ground and stood up. "I wish we didn't have to leave him here like this."

Merrill stepped forward. "I can take care of that." She raised her staff. "You should stand back now."

After Evleen and Fenris had moved away, the elven mage spoke a few words and pointed her staff at Ander's body. Flames erupted all around him, quickly consuming his robes. Soon they could no longer see him through the flames. To Hawke's surprise she heard Sebastian murmur a quiet prayer.

Just before she turned away, Hawke saw a shadowy form hovering over Ander's burning body. The spirit turned its head towards her, the blue glow of its eyes shining brightly. _"You will not stop me Hawke. I will have my vengeance."_

Evleen glared back at Justice. "You'll have to go through me," she growled. She watched as the spirit faded away, then she turned and followed her companions to the docks for their journey to the Gallows.

The magical flames consumed Ander's corpse until there was nothing left but ash. Nearby, the body of one of the Templars stirred. He took a deep gasping breath and his eyes opened wide. A blue glow emanated from his body as he slowly oriented himself to his surroundings. When he finally sat up he growled, "I will have my vengeance on _you_, Hawke."


End file.
